


The Cardinal Recapitulation

by Daedaleopsis



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 20:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14552676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daedaleopsis/pseuds/Daedaleopsis
Summary: The title means, starting over from the beginning. This is an AU from the pilot episode (hardly an original concept, I admit) where Sheldon and Penny already have a history from the day she moves in across the hall. *Shenny* as always, and cross-posted on fanfiction.net.





	1. Chapter 1

Sheldon peered in shock at the figure of the beautiful blonde unpacking boxes in the apartment across the hall. It was Penny, all right. She had grown her hair longer and dyed it an improbable shade of platinum, but she would always be beautiful to him no matter how she changed her appearance. He was so stunned to see her that he could do little more than parrot Leonard's platitudes like an idiot.   
Back inside the safety of their apartment, Leonard started talking about inviting her over for lunch. Sheldon did his best to dissuade him, but he was still overwhelmed at seeing Penny again after all these years. She had been his first and only love, the one woman who had ever distracted him from his single-minded pursuit of the Nobel prize. Then she had betrayed him, and he vowed he would never let anyone else get close enough to break his heart again. Now his mind was racing in circles, wondering how she could be back in his life. He didn’t know why she was acting like she didn’t know him. Clearly, her moving in across the hall from him couldn’t be a coincidence. As if sensing Sheldon’s uncertainty, Leonard kept pressuring him until he reluctantly gave in and agreed to invite her over.  
Almost from the moment she stepped into the apartment he shared with Leonard, Penny was immediately drawn to his work. She never had understood his research. Although Sheldon was a bonafide genius, he was woefully inadequate at explaining his ideas to others. Still, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face when she called him a "beautiful mind". John Nash was a genius of the highest caliber, and it appealed to Sheldon’s ego to be compared to him, even if he wasn't sure how much Penny had actually taken away from that movie. He remembered, as if it were yesterday, how they had watched it curled up in bed together in their tiny apartment. As always in those days, his attention had been divided between his love of science and the alluring woman next to him.  
Her admiring smile quickly faded to a look of confusion and pity when he panicked to see her sit in his spot. His neuroses (quirks, she used to call them) had gotten much worse in the past few years. Strictly regimenting every aspect of his life was one of the ways he now used to protect himself. That fact that she unerringly made her way to the one place that was the center of his existence unnerved him. He was determined never to be hurt again, which meant he had to discover what she was doing here. He’d turned his back and walked away from her three years ago. Now she had reappeared in his life, and he couldn’t help but ascribe nefarious reasons to her unexpected return. When she suddenly began crying, saying her boyfriend had cheated on her, he thought he understood. Money had always slipped through her fingers. Apparently, she hoped to throw herself on the sympathies of the man she had once claimed to love.  
Later, when she came back asking to use their shower, his anger started to burn at her flippant disregard for his privacy and her obvious attempts to distract him. This was how she operated, he thought, using sex to manipulate. Leonard was already developing a crush on her and stared after her longingly. Much to Sheldon’s chagrin, all his resentment couldn’t completely dispel the arousal he felt. There were many images, seared into his mind, of water cascading down her perfect form, of the two of them gliding soap-slicked hands over each other’s bodies. With a groan, he gave up and headed to his room for some privacy. Earlier that day, he had allowed Leonard to think he might make use of the magazines provided at the sperm bank, but the pictures in them wouldn’t have affected him at all, except to disgust him. Penny was the only one who had ever filled him with desire, the only one he had ever wanted. For him, there would never be anyone else. At one time, he thought his constancy was a positive trait, but it had only served to haunt him after he found out she’d been unfaithful.

* * *

Four years ago:  
Sheldon gazed around his one-bedroom apartment. All of his belongings were unpacked. His reproduction bat’leth hung on the wall in his bedroom, his bookshelves were filled with an assortment of textbooks and superhero memorabilia, and his Batman cookie jar was carefully centered on the kitchen counter. His living room contained nothing more than a couple of lawn chairs and a TV, but that was because he didn’t plan on having any visitors. If he ever had any, he imagined the uncomfortable chairs would discourage them from overstaying their welcome. He was pleased with his choice of a new apartment. Although he had to do all of his research for housing online before moving from Germany, he felt he’d naturally made the best choice. As he possessed an IQ of 187, it would have been difficult for him to do other than succeed. He was within easy walking distance of the grocery store, a comic book shop, and Caltech, where he would be working toward his second doctorate in theoretical physics. The only thing that remained was for him to find restaurants which met his stringent requirements. Once he had his weekly meal schedule set up, he would be perfectly comfortable and completely solitary, just the way he liked it.  
Three days later, he found himself once again at the mercies of an unknown culinary staff. The waitress had been friendly enough. Actually, she’d been too friendly, and the way she smiled at him aroused his suspicions. No one smiled at him on purpose, at least, not once they understood what he was like. This was especially true when it came to women who were as aesthetically pleasing as she was. So he proceeded to order his dinner: a bacon, barbecue cheeseburger with all the toppings on the side. Her smile slipped a little as she informed him that the cheese wouldn’t be melted if he ordered it that way. So he enlightened her about the utter chaos that would ensue if the condiments were placed on his burger in the wrong way and how he didn’t trust the knuckle-dragging troglodytes in the kitchen to get his order right. Then she did the strangest thing: she laughed as if he’d said something funny.  
“Sweetie, I think you just made my night. What did you call them again? Tractor dykes?”  
With a sigh, he explained that the term “troglodyte” was a term which originally meant a cave-dweller, but had come to mean a primitive, ignorant person.   
“I guess you learn something new every day,” she replied in a cheerful tone.   
The aphorism wasn’t true for him, but that was the burden of being a genius with an eidetic memory. In a way, he appreciated her attitude. Most people he met hated it when he corrected them, but this waitress was so far beneath him in intelligence that she was almost like a blank slate. He wondered what might happen if he took a person such as her under his wing and educated them, expanding their mind to its fullest potential. The idea was amusing for approximately one point five seconds. Then he quickly shook his head. He wasn’t usually so whimsical. He blamed it on the disruption to his routine.  
When the waitress came back, he was pleasantly surprised to see that she had gotten his order exactly right. He craned his neck a little to see the name tag that was hidden from view by the curves of her bosom. “Thank you, Penny,” he said.  
She stared at him for a second with an odd expression before smiling again and telling him to enjoy his meal. He wondered what had been behind that look she’d given him. That was one of his biggest failings, one that he hated to admit: he struggled to interpret facial expressions and tone of voice. In general, he knew that a smile was a good thing, and a frown or yelling were bad things. But there were so many nuances of emotion that went completely over his head. Plus, people had the baffling tendency to say things they didn’t mean, or smile when they were actually displeased. He’d long since given up trying to make sense of social context. That was why he loved working with theoretical concepts; they could be proven or disproven with mathematical principles. Unlike emotions, his work was completely objective.  
It didn’t take much deliberation on his part to make the Cheesecake Factory his Tuesday night restaurant. He tried not to think about why he had placed it on a Tuesday. Mondays made him happy because that was the first day of his doctoral-level classes; Wednesday was new comic book night; Thursday was model train night; Friday was vintage video gaming night, and on Tuesdays, he saw Penny. He quickly noticed that she wasn’t a very good server. She often ignored her other tables, even when the occupants were trying to flag her down, as she stood and chatted with him. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t have appreciated her attempts to engage him in conversation. But there was something about her, a kindness which reminded him a little of his mother. A few weeks later, she altered their routine. When she handed him his receipt, there was a ten-digit number written across the bottom. “What’s this?” he asked her, slightly puzzled.  
She rolled her eyes. “It’s my phone number, in case you want to call me sometime.”  
“Why would I do that?” he asked.  
The smile quickly disappeared from her face. “No reason, I guess,” she muttered. She snatched back the bill and quickly crossed out her number.  
He frowned at her, puzzled. “Were you attempting to engage me in an alternate social construct?”  
She shrugged. “I have no idea what that means. It’s just that you always come in here by yourself, so I thought you might like someone to talk to. We could hang out sometime.”  
He peered at her curiously. There were many responses which ran through his mind. After all, he was a theoretical physicist, and she was a waitress. He wasn’t sure they could find a mutually agreeable subject to discuss. But unless he was mistaken, the offer of her phone number was a foray into a paradigm alteration. “You want to spend more time interacting with me?” he asked slowly.  
A flush crept across her face. “Yeah, I mean, I like talking to you. You always come up with these crazy smart ideas. You’re not like any other guy I’ve met, and I think you’re kind of cute, so…” She shrugged again. It was another of those social conventions which left Sheldon feeling as if he were trying to solve an equation with only half the data. He wasn’t sure what she wanted, but his tiny apartment was sometimes too quiet. He told himself that a simple conversation with a simple person might help him order his thoughts. Sometimes, when he was wrestling with a difficult problem, his mind tended to race around in circles until he got stuck. He nodded and recited her phone number.  
“Oh, wow, can you still read that?” she asked, gesturing toward the receipt.  
He shook his head. “I have an eidetic memory. I remember everything… at least, everything I consider worth my attention.”  
The color in her cheeks deepened, and she smiled at him again. “Oh, okay. So give me a call sometime.”


	2. Chapter 2

Penny watched Sheldon carefully the whole time she was in his apartment. She was relieved to find that he hadn't moved on and gotten involved with someone else. Yet it saddened her to see how much worse his OCD-like habits had gotten - not that he would ever admit to having any obsessive habits or compulsive behavior at all. Being raised by a mother who had so misunderstood his genius that at times she’d believed he was certifiably insane had certainly left a scar on Sheldon's psyche. Right now, he was treating her with the same arrogant condescension that he displayed when they first met. She smirked. Had he forgotten how easy it had always been for her to get under his skin?   
She returned to her apartment after taking a shower in Sheldon and Leonard's apartment. Sheldon probably suspected it was some sort of ploy on her part, trying to remind him of all he was missing, knowing she was naked in their shower just a few feet away. She didn't care. Her shower really was broken, and if Sheldon was reminded of what he’d been missing, so much the better. Just then, there was a knocking at her door in a strange pattern: three knocks, then her name, with the whole thing repeated three times. She knew it was Sheldon, but the compulsive pattern caused her to feel a pang of grief and guilt. Was she to blame for his deterioration? No, she reminded herself, he was the one who left. He was the one who had moved out without any explanation.  
She opened the door. "Hello, Sheldon," she said in a voice that belied her internal agitation.  
"Hello, Penny. May I come in?"  
She stood aside to let him enter and watched him hesitate, vacillating between sitting or standing, couch or chair. It killed her to see him this way. She had never seen him quite so fragile, so vulnerable. He decided to remain standing, hands clasped behind his back.   
"Why are you here, Penny?" he demanded.  
"You heard what I said. I needed to find a new place to live, and this apartment was available."  
"The one that just happens to be across the hall from your ex-husband's apartment?" he scoffed. "Oh, please, do you honestly think I am still the naive innocent I was when I first met you?"  
"I see. So I took advantage of you? And how exactly did I do that, Sheldon?" she asked, her voice rising in irritation.  
"Maybe you were a spy, sent to distract me from making advancements in the field of nth-dimensional subatomic frequencies?" he said.  
She crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow at him. "After reading every line of that god-awful movie Serial Apist, that's still the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."  
"Oh, yes, that was the movie in which you exposed yourself on camera for the gratification of being credited as "Girl in Shower", wasn't it?" he snapped. "Of course, I suppose that movie wasn't a total loss, since you met your next boyfriend on set."  
She blinked, then scowled at him. “I don't know what the hell you're talking about.”  
"Do you really expect me to believe that? Admit it, you were just using me until the next guy came along!”  
"You left, damn you! You walked out on me. I came home to a half-empty apartment and divorce papers on the counter!" They were both yelling now, and tears were streaming down Penny's face. She knew this was going to be hard, but uncovering those old wounds that had never healed was so much worse that she expected.  
"You made a fool of me!" Sheldon hissed. "You were cheating on me! Looking back, it was the only part of our relationship that ever made any sense."  
"You never trusted me," she said brokenly. "I never cheated on you, I swear. But you left, and I had to carry on somehow."  
"Don’t lie; I saw you kissing him!" he shouted.  
She stared at him, open-mouthed. What the hell was he talking about?   
Penny's speechlessness seemed to confirm her guilt to Sheldon. "Quit playing the innocent victim, and go ruin someone else's life," he snarled, storming out of her apartment.

* * *

Three years, ten months ago:  
It had been almost a week since Penny had given the socially awkward scientist her number, and she’d almost given up on him. He was weird, there was no denying that, so maybe she’d misread his interest in her. He’d been staring rather blatantly at her chest the first day they met, but that hardly made him boyfriend material. The thing that she'd really found attractive was the way he made her laugh. He said such crazy things that she never knew if he was being perfectly serious or just pulling her leg, but around him, there was never a dull moment. She felt like she desperately needed something good in her life. Straight out of high school, she had run off to California with her boyfriend. That relationship hadn’t lasted more than a few months, and she soon found herself waiting tables to pay her bills. Her dreams of becoming a famous actress seemed like a distant memory as she hustled for her meager tips. Meeting Sheldon had given her some hope again. Most of her coworkers thought she was nuts, developing a crush on the man they dubbed “crazy hamburger guy”, but she thought he was sweet if a little - okay, a lot - socially awkward. He wasn’t her usual type, but by this point, she was sick and tired of dating her usual type. So she made the first move with the adorable geek and waited.  
He acted as if she’d never given him her number. When he showed up the next week like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, she swallowed her disappointment and her pride, served him his burger and walked away as quickly as she could. He didn’t seem to notice or care that she didn’t take the time to talk to him, further confirming her doubts. The next time he came in, however, he frowned at her thoughtfully. Several times he looked as though he wanted to speak to her, but she whirled away before he open his mouth. Finally, when the time came to pay for his food, he sat there, credit card clutched tightly in his hand. She was forced to say something besides, “May I take your order?”, although asking how he was going to pay for his meal wasn’t much of an improvement.  
“I’m curious about the sudden alteration in your attitude towards me,” he said. He looked unhappy, and despite her vow to forget about him, Penny felt a pang of sympathy. “I realized I may have offended you, but if I did, it wasn’t intentional. I’ve never placed much importance on social interaction.”  
She tamped down a smile at his words. He had such a funny way of saying things. “Since you never called me, I figured you really didn’t want to talk,” she said with a shrug, feigning nonchalance.  
He frowned again. “Was that truly a genuine offer? I’ve found that most people say any number of things they don’t mean in order to avoid interaction with someone they find tiresome. Besides, I don’t know what we would talk about. I can’t imagine we have much in common.”  
That stung, but as he said, it didn’t seem like he was trying to be hurtful; he was just oblivious. “Well, I don’t find you tiresome. I know we’re really different, but I thought that might make it interesting. You’re really smart. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met.”  
To her surprise, he began laughing, an odd hissing gasp. She was struck by the unmistakable impression that he didn’t laugh often enough to sound natural doing so. “I have an IQ of 187. There are only four people in the entire United States who are more intelligent than I.”  
She felt a blush creeping up her face. “If you’re so smart, then why can’t you figure out when a girl likes you?” She turned on her heel and walked off, only to hear him calling her name. She turned to see him chasing her through the restaurant. Unwilling to embarrass herself any further, she waited until he caught up with her.   
“You really wish to be my friend?” he asked. There was something childlike and vulnerable in the way he looked at her, and she found herself feeling another surge of compassion for him.  
“Maybe. Maybe something more,” she heard herself saying.  
After a long pause, he answered, “On Wednesday nights, I usually order pizza and play Halo. Perhaps you would care to join me.”  
She smiled at him. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? I’m not working tomorrow night, so let me know when and where.”   
When Penny arrived at his apartment the following evening, she ran her palms along her short skirt before knocking. She was feeling unusually nervous. In fact, she'd changed outfits four times before deciding on the floral blouse, cobalt blue miniskirt and her favorite red pair of kitten heels.  
He opened the door immediately. “You’re three minutes late,” he said with a frown.  
“Hello to you too,” she retorted, wondering what she’d gotten herself into.  
“Ah, yes. The non-optional social convention of a polite greeting. Hello, Penny.”  
“Non-optical what?” she asked in confusion.  
“Non-optional social convention,” he corrected. “I’ve learned that certain behaviors are expected - one might say required - even when they don't necessarily make sense. My mother often forced me to comply with what she deemed was appropriate manners. It's easiest for me if I simply label them ‘non-optional social conventions’ in my mind. That way, I don't fret over trying to discern a pattern of logic where none exists.”  
“I don't even know what to say to that,” Penny answered with a laugh. She hoisted the bottle in her hand. “I brought wine. Can I come in?”  
“I don't know; can you?” he asked in a haughty tone of voice.  
She rolled her eyes at him. “Letting your guest in the door without giving them a hard time is a non-optional social… whatchamahoosit. So can you just let me in so we can eat?”  
Alarmed, he glanced at his watch. “Our food’s getting cold!” he cried. “The answer to your question is yes, I can let you in, but I must ask you to enter without delay.”  
Penny shook her head and sighed. Sheldon may be cute, but he was also one serious whackadoodle. So far, their date was off to a poor start. At this point, maybe a bad date was exactly what she needed to get him out of her system for good. So she sighed and stepped warily inside his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Penny opened her door to the tentative knock. This was just a normal, unpatterned knock, and she was familiar enough with Sheldon’s habits to know that it wasn't him at the door. Instead, Leonard stood there, squinting at her through his thick glasses and smiling sheepishly. He was clutching a few envelopes.  
“Looks like the mailman mixed up our mail again,” he said, holding out what were probably bills.   
She took them from him without much enthusiasm. “Again? I really gotta talk to him.”  
“Oh, I wouldn't do that. He's very, uh... cranky,” Leonard said hastily.  
She nodded, wondering just how stupid he thought she was. Obviously, he’d found some way to steal her mail from the mailbox downstairs as an excuse to talk to her. If it had only happened once, she might have believed him, but three times a week was approaching stalker status. If he hadn't been Sheldon’s roommate, she would've punched him in the throat, but she needed him. He was, after all, a valuable source of information. So she smiled brightly at him and said, “Thanks, that's really nice of you. You wanna come in for a minute?”   
He preened under her attention. “Sure.”  
“So, uh, how did you and Sheldon become roommates?” she asked as she led him into the living room. She sat down on the loveseat, and to her annoyance, he seated himself next to her.  
“It’s not a very interesting story. I had just accepted a position at Caltech, and he’d put up an ad for a roommate.” He chuckled. “Although he did make me fill out all these crazy questionnaires before he even let me see the apartment.”  
Penny's face fell. “Was he always like that?” she asked in a low voice.  
“Yeah, as long as I knew him. His mother had him tested to see if he was crazy, you know,” he added with another laugh.  
“Genius often appears crazy to ordinary people,” she answered calmly.  
“I’m… I’m not ordinary,” Leonard spluttered. “I have an IQ of 173.”  
Penny smiled. “Wow, that sounds like a lot,” she commented, but inwardly, she wanted to laugh at seeing Leonard puff himself up like a bantam rooster, trying to impress her. She knew Sheldon’s IQ was almost twenty points higher, which actually meant he was light-years more intelligent than Leonard. “So, do you and Sheldon work together?”   
“We both work in the physics department at Caltech, but no, I think we’d kill each other if we ever tried to collaborate on a research project. All he does is scribble ideas on a whiteboard. Most of the time, it doesn’t even amount to anything. I’m an experimental physicist, so I get to work with cool equipment like lasers.”  
“Wow, lasers,” she dutifully echoed, wondering how she could get him to stop talking about himself.  
“So, uh, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with us.”  
“You and Sheldon?”  
“Yeah, and Howard and Raj too. We’re going to a restaurant - my treat. Sort of a welcome-to-the-neighborhood sort of thing.”  
“I’ll pay my own way, but sure, I’d love to have dinner with you.”  
Several hours later, Penny was fuming inside. Leonard had tricked her. It was obvious he’d never intended for any of his friends to join them. He even made up some story about Sheldon having a colonoscopy. While she knew Sheldon, and certainly wouldn’t put it past him to voluntarily choose to have a test like that, no one had a elective medical procedure at seven o’clock on a Friday night. As she walked up the stairs with Leonard, she asked him point-blank, “Was this a date?”  
Of course, he stammered, blushed and tried to deny it, but she had already guessed the truth.   
“I’m flattered, really,” she lied. “But I’m not ready to start seeing anyone right now. I’d like it if we could be friends though.” She suspected no matter what she told him, there was little she could do to nip his crush in the bud.  
After she said goodnight to him, she waited twenty minutes and then went and knocked on their door. Leonard beamed when he saw her. “I just came to check up on Sheldon and see how he’s doing,” she said.  
He looked panicked. “I’m sure he’s fine. He’s actually in his room, and people--”  
“Aren’t allowed in his room,” she finished.  
Leonard scrunched up his face in bewilderment. “Well, yeah, that’s exactly how he says it, actually.”  
“He told me before,” she grinned, and then brushed past Leonard and headed down the hallway. Just like before, she had absolutely no intention of following Sheldon’s self-imposed rules.  
“Hi, sweetie,” she said as she pushed open his door. He was lying on his bed, propped up against his headboard and reading one of his comic books.  
He scowled at her. “What are you doing here? This is my room. People can’t be in my room.”  
“I’m not people; I’m Penny, and you know I never listened to your silly rules anyway.”  
“Why are you here?” he repeated, and this time, she saw the flash of pain in his eyes. She entered the room, closing the door behind her to keep their conversation private. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, she tried to suppress her vexation when he scooted further away from her. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but after three years apart, I still think about you all the time. I still miss you. I want to start over. Maybe we can just be friends for now, but I never stopped having feelings for you.”  
“Your feelings didn’t stop you from cheating on me,” he snapped.  
She pressed her lips tightly together, reminding herself that she knew this wasn’t going to be easy. Sheldon had always been suspicious and slow to trust people. “You said that before, but I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
The muscles in his neck grew taut as he ground his teeth together. “It was when you were shooting Serial Apist. I decided to surprise you by visiting you on set. I was trying to be supportive,” he added, giving her a look of disgust. “I looked everywhere. Eventually, I found you hiding out in the costume area, with your tongue down some other man’s throat.”  
All the color drained from Penny’s face. “That was why you left? Why you let me come home to an empty apartment? Holy crap, Sheldon, you divorced me without even asking me about it? You’re such a genius, so you tell me: is there any other possible explanation for what you saw?”  
He scowled. “The principle of Occam’s Razor--”  
“Screw your stupid scientific principles!” she shouted. Jumping up, she ran out of his room and didn’t stop until she had slammed her own apartment door behind her. Even as she left, she knew she should’ve remained calm and talked things out rationally. But she had never been rational where Sheldon was concerned. She had followed her heart, believing their love was enough to weather any storm, and now she was suffering the consequences.

* * *

Three years, ten months ago:  
Sheldon watched Penny intently as she gazed around his small combined living room and kitchen, taking in his books and sci-fi collectibles.  
“It’s so… you,” she grinned. “Somehow, this is exactly what I pictured. So what's this Halo game you mentioned?”  
“We can discuss that after we eat,” he stated.  
Again, she smiled at him, causing his pulse to race. He still wasn't sure why a beautiful woman like her would voluntarily choose to spend time with him. Even after exchanging several texts, he still half expected this to be some elaborate prank. He swallowed hard and offered her a seat in one of the lawn chairs.  
“Don't you have any real furniture?” she asked.  
“I have my desk, the bookshelves, and of course, my bed,” he replied.   
She gave him a look he couldn't interpret. “Maybe you can give me a tour later on.”  
Over dinner, she chatted volubly, asking him questions about his work and the collectibles which constituted his decor. He was flattered by her attention. Even though she didn't understand a thing about theoretical physics, he found himself drawing pictures on a napkin, trying to explain it to her. At one point, she put a hand on his arm, smiled up at him, and said he must be a genius. She was right, of course, but this was the first time that hearing those words caused a rush of heat to sweep through him.   
To cover up his confusion, he quickly changed the subject, declaring it was time for Halo. He intended to show off his prowess at the game. After all, she hadn't even known what Halo was. But to his surprise, she beat him several times in a row. She laughed whenever she got the drop on him. Sometimes in her excitement, she brushed against him with her arm or knee, flustering him further. He grumbled that someone as aesthetically pleasing as she was shouldn't be so skilled at video games. Instead of taking offense, she just grinned at him.  
“Is that a compliment?” she teased, and he was struck speechless. He’d never met anyone like Penny. When his watch chimed, warning him that it was almost his bedtime, it startled him. The evening had seemed to fly by; he realized that he’d actually enjoyed having her over at his apartment.  
He stood. “It’s time for me to get ready for bed. You’ll have to leave now,” he said, although not without a certain feeling of reluctance.   
She glanced at him, smiling but with a furrowed brow. “Um… all right.” She started to make her way toward the front door, and then stopped and looked at him quizzically. “Sweetie? Aren’t you going to walk me to the door?”  
He frowned, puzzled. “You are perfectly capable of showing yourself out.”  
She crossed her arms, huffed and tapped her foot. After a beat, he walked over and then motioned toward the entryway. A half-forgotten lesson in manners dredged up from the recesses of his brain led him to open the door for her. Instead of leaving, she leaned against the doorframe and was smiling up at him.  
“You know, I had fun tonight. It was weird… but fun.” She drew closer, and before he could register what she was doing, she’d stretched up to press her mouth to his for one brief moment.  
He stared at her, once again completely unable to form a suitable response.  
“Hey, are you okay? Holy crap, don’t tell me I got this all wrong.”  
He blinked and refocused on her. “Got what all wrong?” he asked faintly.  
“I thought this was a date, but now that I think about it…” She trailed off, looking over his shoulder at his sparsely furnished apartment.  
“I don’t know,” he answered, still in a state of bewilderment. “I’ve never been on a date. I’ve never been kissed on the mouth either,” he said with almost an accusatory stare.  
Her mouth dropped open in shock. “Oh honey, that was your first kiss? Really?”  
His jaw tightened as his face clouded over. “There’s no need to mock me.”  
“I wasn’t.” She laid her hand on his arm. “I just wish I’d known. I always thought a first kiss should be really special… magical.”  
“Magical?” he asked, curious despite himself. He’d been overwhelmed by that first simple kiss, but from what she was describing, he wondered what more there could be.  
“Can I come back in? Just for a minute,” she added when he looked conflicted.  
She closed the door behind her, leaving the two of them alone in his apartment, which suddenly seemed a lot smaller than it had just a few minutes ago. She took his hand and smiled up at him. “Let's try this again.” His pulse began to race as she pulled his arms around to circle her waist and slid her hands up to his shoulders. “I really like you, and I think you’re cute,” she said. Looking deeply into his eyes, she slowly rose up on her toes. He could feel her breath feather against his cheek a moment before her lips touched his. Once again, the sensation staggered him, and he found himself clutching at her, pulling her closer as her mouth clung to his. She tasted like strawberries, and that made him want to lick her lips. He didn’t, but for the first time in his life, he wanted to.


	4. Chapter 4

After Penny ran out of Sheldon’s room, she’d retreated to her apartment, where she sank down onto the loveseat. Her mind whirled in confusion. She’d moved in across the hall, knowing that Sheldon would be reluctant to allow her back into his life. Once she saw the starry-eyed way his roommate was looking at her, she figured that a sob story would quickly play on the shorter man’s sympathies. That was why she had invented the tale about her relationship with Kurt.   
Some of it was true. She had shared an apartment with Kurt for the past few years, but they’d never been involved, for the simple reason that he was gay. After Sheldon had left, her shaky financial situation once again forced her to get a roommate. She’d met Kurt months before in an acting workshop, and they’d quickly become friends. Later, when he was auditioning for a role as a romantic lead, he turned to her for help. He’d been worried he wouldn’t be believable in a love scene with a female co-star, so Penny had agreed to give him pointers. At the time, they’d both had bit roles on Serial Apist, so it was easy for her to run scenes with him between takes. Sheldon must have come to the set one day, seen them together, and then cut her out of his life, immediately and completely. She’d tried to track him down, of course. She knew where he worked, even if she had no idea where he’d gone when he moved out. He’d staunchly refused to talk to her. Now at long last, she knew why. For all his arrogance about his brilliant mind, Sheldon had always had hidden insecurities. Wouldn’t anyone who’d been sent away to boarding school at the age of ten? She hadn’t realized that he was waiting for her to betray his trust, just like everyone else that he’d ever cared about.  
*****  
Sheldon effectively avoided Penny for days after his revelation, which was a good thing, because it had taken her that long to get over how furious she was at him. Now, she was just regretting all the time they’d lost because of his distrust. Years ago, she’d tried to get over him, to move on and fill her life with other things that made her happy. Her career had flourished, to the point where she could finally afford a place on her own. That was fortuitous, because Kurt had become increasingly jealous of her modest success. When she found out that the apartment directly across from Sheldon’s was available, she took it as a sign.  
She hadn’t seen either of the guys in a few days, but the next morning, she stepped out of her front door and almost collided with Leonard.   
“Oh! Uh… sorry, Penny. Gotta run,” he panted, shoving his glasses back up on his nose.  
“Wait!” she cried, looking him over. His hair stood up in wild profusion, and the buttons on his shirt were misaligned. She narrowed her eyes at him. Whatever was bothering him, she was certain it had something to do with Sheldon. “What's going on?”  
His face morphed into a shifty expression. “Sheldon’s inside. He’ll explain it to you.” Then he bolted down the stairs like the building was on fire.  
With a sigh, she opened the door to 4A. She was convinced that whatever was up, she wouldn't like it, but she refused to abandon Sheldon like Leonard clearly was doing. The living room was empty.   
“Sheldon?” she called softly. No response, so she tried again a little louder. This time, she heard coughing coming from the back, and Sheldon croaked, “I'm back here... I need help. I'm sick.”  
Instantly, she understood. He had been sick only once while they were married, but his incessant demands, along with his refusal to treat his symptoms with any type of medicine, had made her want to smother him with his own pillow. But she knew he’d appreciated her taking care of him because afterward he’d bought her the most gorgeous pair of Jimmy Choos, something he could barely afford on his teaching assistant stipend.   
So she went back to his room and smiled sympathetically at him. He was dressed in his flannel robe and pajamas, propped up on a couple of pillows. His eyes were watery, and his nose was red. Several used tissues littered the bed around him. “Hey, sweetie, looks like you have a cold,” she observed.  
He nodded miserably and sniffled. “I have a fever,” he said. “I need soup.”  
She smirked. He hadn’t changed at all. “If you still want split pea soup with croutons, I'll have to run out to the store.”  
He nodded again and then asked plaintively, “Will you sing to me?”  
She sat down on the side of his bed and put a hand on his forehead. “You do feel hot.” With a surge of jealousy, she wondered who had been taking care of him over the past few years when he was sick. Then she remembered Leonard’s wild-eyed rush out the door and almost grinned. “It's still the same song, right?”  
He gave her a pathetic look. “Soft Kitty. Do you remember the words?”  
In response, she started singing, “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur…”  
He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment as she sang it through twice. When she ended the second repetition, she thought he was asleep, but as she began to move, his eyes popped open, and he grabbed her wrist.  
“Now you need to put vapor rub on my chest.”  
Her eyebrows shot up. “I don't think that's such a good idea.” She was well aware that checking his temperature was the first time she had touched him in almost three years. He may not have thought much of it, but it made her heart beat faster while at the same time, she felt the treacherous sting of tears gathering behind her eyelids.  
“Please,” he begged. “Please-please-please-please-please.”  
Figures he only uses that word when he's sick, she thought sourly, but then she wondered if maybe he was softening toward her. Maybe this was the best way to show him she was serious about getting him back, by caring for him while he was sick.  
“All right,” she conceded, and he quickly handed her the small blue jar.  
“You have to rub counterclockwise or my chest hair mats.”  
She couldn’t keep from rolling her eyes at him. “I remember.”  
She helped him unbutton his plaid flannel pajama top and then remove the t-shirt underneath. Her fingers ached with the effort of not touching him more than was strictly necessary. Even after all these years, he still had that effect on her. She glanced up into his face and could see that he was facing a similar struggle, although probably not for the same reasons. Early on when they first met, he told her that he had evolved beyond the need for sex. Even after they were married, she felt there were times when he was uncomfortable or embarrassed by his desire for her. She’d never understood why, and he had never explained.  
“The vapor rub?” he prompted.  
She startled, almost dropping the container, and blushed. “Oh, right.” She twisted off the lid and dipped her fingers in the strong-smelling ointment, wondering how he could be so calm about asking his ex-wife to caress his bare chest.  
He lay back and closed his eyes as she trailed her fingers in circles on his chest. “That feels good,” he murmured.  
“I bet it does,” she replied sardonically.  
His eyes flew open, and now he watched her with a narrowed gaze. When she was finished, she leaned in close to him. Panic and desire flashed across his face. She kissed him on the forehead. “Get some rest. I'll go see if I can find some split pea soup at the grocery store.”  
She thought he looked almost disappointed, but his only response was to nod and ask her to buy more tissues.

* * *

Three years, nine months ago:  
At the age of eighteen, Penny had moved to California. After graduating from high school, she’d left her small hometown in Nebraska with her boyfriend and never looked back. Unfortunately, within six months, she found out he was cheating on her. She moved in with a friend and continued to pursue her dreams of becoming an actress. In retrospect, her boyfriend’s infidelity was actually a good thing. It drove her to work harder, to justify the reasons she moved out to California. By the time she met Sheldon, she hadn’t yet gotten her big break, but she’d done a few commercials and a handful of one-liners on various TV shows.   
Both of them had few close friends, so Penny quickly became an integral part of Sheldon’s life. Soon, they were spending almost all their free time together. Her coworkers at the Cheesecake Factory thought they made a weird couple. He was so brainy and serious, and everything in his life was strictly regimented. Penny was a free spirit who loved dancing and dreamed of fame and fortune. Beyond the externals though, they found they had a lot in common. They had both grown up in small towns in the Midwest and left to pursue their goals. They were both competitive and got slightly obnoxious about it. She admired his intellect, and he was genuinely supportive of her acting career. Within a few weeks of that first date, Sheldon asked her to be his girlfriend. After a smirk at his old-fashioned behavior (and a joke about a letter jacket that went right over his head), she accepted.  
Their relationship wasn’t without friction. Both of them could be extremely stubborn, and it was a source of frustration to Penny that they couldn’t work out that tension by jumping into bed together. For the first time in her life, her boyfriend was not only a virgin, but also in no hurry to lose his virginity. She figured that at least when they finally did sleep together, he would imprint on her like a baby duck.   
That tension built up until their first big fight. They’d had little disagreements before, but this time, Sheldon had insulted her intelligence in a way that had her seeing red. She’d stormed out of his apartment and ignored his calls and texts for days. Being with a guy like him was so much work that she wasn’t sure it was worth the trouble. Finally, he came to see her while she was waiting tables at the Cheesecake Factory. When she saw him, she gave him the cold shoulder, but secretly, she was hopeful. He was often so logical that she had no idea if he truly cared for her, or if he just found her presence convenient.  
“What do you want, Sheldon? I’m working,” she said crossly.  
“I miss you,” he said sadly. He did look miserable, and his shoulders slumped in dejection. “I realize I shouldn’t have pointed out the disparity in our intelligence levels, even if it is true--”  
She huffed and turned to walk past him. He caught her arm. “I have something for you,” he said. Her heart skipped a beat as he pulled what was obviously a small jewelry box out of his pocket. He handed it to her, and her racing pulse slowed a fraction. Surely if he was intending to propose, he wouldn’t just shove a ring at her, right? She opened the box and gasped. Inside lay a heart-shaped diamond pendant.  
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed. “I love it.” Tears gathered in her eyes. No one had ever done anything like this for her before: real diamonds, from a real jewelry store. She couldn’t imagine how he had afforded it on his meager stipend. She looked again at the necklace, knowing how many new comic books and video games he had sacrificed for her, and she was speechless. Her boyfriend may be a little rough around the edges, but no one had ever made her feel so special, like a princess in a fairy tale. Throwing her arms around him, she kissed him passionately. They'd only known each other for a few months, but already she was falling in love with him.


	5. Chapter 5

Sheldon was back at work after two days off with a miserable cold. He hadn’t been surprised that Leonard had abandoned him at the first chance he got to pawn his sick roommate off on someone else. What did surprise him was Penny’s actions. After months of living across the hall from them, she hadn’t asked either of them for money. She didn’t protest much when Leonard paid whenever she joined them for dinner, but she imposed for little else. Sure, she’d requested a few favors from them, but they were only the type of neighborly things that she might ask any friend: to sign for the delivery of her new entertainment center or to help hook up her cable and wi-fi. He hadn’t wanted to get involved at all, but it was difficult to boycott her entirely without looking suspicious. Plus, Leonard, Howard and Raj were constantly falling all over themselves to come to her aid.  
He’d thought they had reached a cautious detente, and then he’d come down with a cold. Whether or not Leonard made her feel obligated to help, she’d come over and done everything he asked without a word of complaint. In fact, she had been kind and sympathetic, the very qualities that had first attracted him to her years ago. And when she’d touched him, he had to fight the urge to pull her against him and crush his mouth on hers. She’d always been very passionate, ruled by her emotions. Maybe he had overreacted three years ago; maybe he had jumped to conclusions. To be honest, he’d never even considered that she might not be wholly to blame for their separation. He’d thought he had seen her wrapped around some other guy, some overly muscled neanderthal that made him feel completely inadequate. But what if she hadn’t been a willing participant? What if that jerk had simply grabbed her and kissed her because he was so much bigger than she was? Sheldon could still remember like it was yesterday, the scene he had stumbled across, but it had been dark. Perhaps his imagination had filled in details that hadn’t really been there.  
He hated this line of thought. The idea that he might have made a terrible mistake gnawed at him. Why hadn’t he been willing to hear her side of the story? But he knew the answer to that, too. He’d been in love with Penny, an illogical, head-over-heels kind of love, but he’d always doubted whether she felt as strongly about him. He’d been quick to assume she was cheating on him and thought the only way to deal with his pain was to distance himself from her as completely as possible. With a sigh, he thought about the sheaf of papers at home in his safe. He was a hypocrite, because he’d never been able to fully let her go. She was the only woman he’d ever loved, and she’d left a Penny-shaped hole in his heart.  
A few days later, Penny had a Halloween party at her apartment. She'd invited all of them, Raj and Howard as well as her next door neighbors. Sheldon studied the rest of her guests. All seemed to be in various stages of inebriation, and he almost felt like an anthropologist discovering a new culture. It was probably the only way he could’ve found to engage his mind while at the party. He definitely needed something to distract him from the short skirt of Penny’s costume as it swirled around her thighs. He hadn't failed to notice that she had dressed as a kitty - Soft Kitty? - or the frank admiration in her eyes as she checked him out in his Doppler effect costume.  
A couple of hours after the party was in full swing, he was tired of his anthropology pretense. He didn’t fit in with any of Penny’s new friends. As far as he could tell, only he, Leonard and Howard remained sober. While Raj’s religion prohibited alcohol, that hadn't prevented him from disappearing into Penny’s bedroom with a chatty woman dressed as a ladybug.  
“Oh, no. It’s Penny’s ex-boyfriend.”  
Sheldon looked in the direction Leonard indicated and could almost feel his blood freeze. It was Kurt all right, and looking far more massive than he remembered. Clad in nothing more than a fur loincloth, he was obviously using his over-muscled physique to impress and intimidate… and it was working. He was almost three times Sheldon’s mass. The man’s every movement oozed menace, yet Penny had welcomed him into her apartment and even kissed him on the cheek. Sheldon found himself thinking that if he had an ounce of self-preservation, he would leave, but the man-mountain was blocking the door. He sucked in a quick breath as Leonard started some verbal posturing, saying he was more evolved than Kurt. He wasn’t able to dissuade his roommate as he foolishly marched up to the jock and confronted him. It ended badly for Leonard, but without Penny’s intervention, it would have been much worse. Kurt was a bully, but Sheldon honestly couldn’t tell which was worse: that Penny had clearly invited him, that this confirmed her cheating, or that he completely failed to convince himself he no longer cared what she did.  
At the earliest opportunity, he slipped out, escaping to the safety of his own apartment. Leonard wasn’t far behind him. Sheldon immediately went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaning his forehead against the cool surface. What had he been thinking, going to that party?  
A soft knocking caught his attention, and then he recognized the dulcet murmur of Penny’s voice. Unable to help himself, he cracked open his bedroom door and listened. She sounded upset, trying to explain how she thought Kurt had changed and how stupid she felt for believing his apologies. Hearing that, Sheldon experienced a weird moment of sympathy for Kurt. He knew what that was like, to be forgiven when you were sure you didn’t deserve it. But then his jaw clenched. Three years ago, he had been a guileless dupe, but he doubted Kurt ever was. Penny wasn’t the innocent she claimed to be either. He started down the hallway - whether to confront her or just to sadistically enjoy her humiliation, he didn’t know. He never had the chance to find out. He heard Leonard say, “There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfect.” Then he rounded the corner to see his best friend kissing his ex-wife… or maybe she was kissing him. He couldn’t tell. He must have made some noise, because she jumped up, glanced back and forth between the two men and let out a soft cry.  
Furious once again, Sheldon growled, “I don’t care who you kiss, who you date, or who you spread your legs for, as long as you don’t do it in my apartment.”  
Penny gasped, and Leonard stepped in front of her. “You can’t talk to Penny that way--” he objected, but Sheldon had already retreated to his room, slamming the door in a way that made everything hanging on the walls rattle. Confused, Leonard turned to find that Penny had fled. He sighed noisily. He was never going to get laid as long as Sheldon kept up his hostility toward their new neighbor. He had to find some way to help them get along.

* * *

Three years, eight months ago:  
Every day, Sheldon marveled at his good fortune. He half expected to wake up and find it had all been a dream. After a lifetime of being afraid to let anyone get close, Penny had slipped under his defenses. Her optimism and joie de vivre were the exact opposite of his arrogance and brutal honesty. Yet somehow, she liked him. More than that, she wanted to be with him... in every way. After their argument, he realized that he wanted her to be a part of his life forever. It was a rather terrifying thought - another first - but again, he was willing to take that step for her.  
He waited a few weeks after he’d given her the necklace. She had come over that evening, excited about an audition she’d had that day that had gone well. He was so nervous that he probably didn’t react with his usual support. He picked at his food and ended up throwing most of it away uneaten. After dinner, he faced her as they were sitting on the couch. She reached for him, but he pulled back. “There’s something important which I need to discuss with you,” he began. His hands were shaking. “This isn’t easy for me to say.”  
She turned pale. “You’re breaking up with me,” she murmured. He opened his mouth to protest, but before he could speak, she jumped to her feet. “I don’t believe you! How could you do this to me? It’s because I’m not smart, isn’t it?”  
“Penny--”  
“And I’ve been so patient with you too. I tried so hard not to pressure you--”  
“Penny!” he tried again, louder.  
“I even went to that Star Trek convention with you!” she yelled.  
He cringed away from her anger, but finally managed to say, “I’m not breaking up with you!”  
She halted mid-stride from where she had been stalking angrily around his living room. “You’re not?” she faltered.  
Mute and wide-eyed, he shook his head.  
She bit her lip and quickly ran a hand over her eyes. “Then why did you say it that way, like ‘this is really hard for me’,” she mimicked.  
“I have no previous experience with relationships. You were yelling at me,” he added plaintively. “I hope that means you are distressed by your hypothetical notion that I wanted to terminate our relationship.”  
She wrinkled her nose. “Whenever you get nervous, you’re even harder to understand. Why don’t you just tell me whatever it is you wanted to say?”  
He heaved a sigh of half-spent apprehension and indicated the couch. “Please, sit down.”  
Once he was again facing her, he took her hands in his. “You are very important to me. You have become such an essential part of my life that I never want to lose you. So what I wanted to tell you is… I love you.”  
She stiffened in surprise, and her hand flew to her mouth. “You love me?” Then her face crumpled. “Holy crap, I can’t believe I was such a bitch. I just jumped all over you when you--” She broke off, shaking her head. “Oh honey, I’m so sorry.” She scooted closer and hugged him. The hug morphed into a kiss which quickly heated up. Soon, Penny was straddling his lap, and he felt he was going to explode from all the tension building up inside of him. He slid out from under her, causing her to groan in disappointment. Then he held out his hand to her. She took it with a puzzled look.  
“Come with me,” he said in a voice roughened with need. He didn’t trust himself to say anything else as he led her back to his bedroom.  
Hours later, Sheldon lay naked in his bed with Penny cradled in his arms. Absently, he stroked her hair as his pulse slowed to normal. He felt like he was floating. Months ago, she had used the word “magical” to describe what a first kiss should be like. He was starting to believe that was what all firsts would be with her. Despite his extensive technical knowledge of… well, everything… he’d experienced some nervousness, unsure of what he was doing. There had been moments when she needed to instruct him. The memory of her hazel eyes alight with love and acceptance as she did so was something he would never forget. Being with her gave him a sense of completion he had never known before. It was as satisfying as finishing a difficult quest in Age of Conan, as delightful as fitting the last piece in a thousand-piece puzzle, and perhaps - dare he say it - almost as exhilarating as he imagined winning the Nobel might be.  
He leaned over to kiss her forehead, for the moment too exhausted to do anything more. She made a purring noise and wrapped her arms more tightly around his middle. They were both covered in a fine sheen of sweat. His clothes and hers lay tangled together in heaps on the floor. None of that mattered, compared to the perfect contentment he felt. He stroked her hair again, mesmerized by its silken texture. “I love you,” he murmured. It was the second time he had said it, and it felt so right.  
She snuggled closer in response. His eyelids began to grow heavy as he drifted toward sleep. As if in a dream, he heard her whisper, barely audible, “Love you too.”  
After that night, they were virtually inseparable. Sheldon put aside his precious schedule so that every night when Penny was working, he could be there with her. Her manager was rather annoyed that he would occupy a table for hours on end, but her co-workers thought it was sweet how devoted he was to her. After just a few weeks, he asked Penny to move in with him. He knew they were moving fast - maybe too fast - but all he knew was how much he needed to be with her. It didn’t take Penny long to agree. Her Care Bears and Hello Kitty stuffed animals seemed to fit right in with his superhero figurines and model trains.  
They argued about how to combine all their belongings into his tiny one-bedroom apartment, although she usually ended their fight by pushing him against a wall or down onto a couch or bed, kissing him senseless. The ensuing amorous activities didn’t solve their disagreements, but it did make them seem less important. They finally agreed to rent a small storage unit until they could find a larger apartment. Oddly enough, it was the day when they were trying to maneuver all their belongings into the tiny storage space that Sheldon had a revelation. They were both hot, sweaty, and streaked with dust. Both of them had bruised shins or stubbed toes, and yet whenever he looked over at her, he felt so full of happiness he could barely contain it. That was when he knew: he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.  
Penny was loving but impulsive, and he hoped to use that to his advantage as he planned a weekend in Vegas for the two of them. He knew that if she gave any serious consideration to the idea of getting married, she would balk and say it was too soon. For all he knew, she might be right. He was twenty-three, and she was only nineteen, but none of that mattered. He was convinced he had found the only woman he would ever love. He couldn't wait to call her his wife and to know that she belonged with him. He had a plan, calculated to win her over. Someone else might have found his plotting devious, but all that mattered to him was making Penny his.


	6. Chapter 6

Penny glared at Sheldon. The inevitable tension between them had escalated into a prank war, to the point where he had stolen all of her panties. Somehow - she had no idea how - he had strung up every last undergarment she owned on the utility wires outside the window in his living room. They’d spent the past five minutes yelling at each other, and she was furious, but underneath all that anger rose a thin tendril of hope. He had touched all of her underwear; that had to have brought back certain memories he preferred to repress. She leaned closer, going with a different tactic.  
“Did it turn you on?” she asked in a low voice.  
He startled, and a muscle in his cheek twitched.  
“You recognize any of them?” she pressed. His gaze darted toward the colorful scraps of cloth festooning the wire outside.  
“I bet you cleaned me out. Took every last pair… except for the ones I’m wearing, of course. Do you want those, too?” She slid a hand to the waistband of her capris. Obviously, she’d have to be a magician to get them off her body without undressing, but he didn’t seem to consider that.  
He reached out and grabbed her wrist. “Don’t,” he said in a harsh voice.  
“Try to stop me,” she challenged.  
Heat flared in his eyes, and he pulled her closer until she collided with his chest. Her body pressed against his, and she sucked in a sharp breath. It had been three years since she’d been with anyone. She didn't cheat, and in that time she’d discovered she didn't want to - there was no one else for her. A soft moan escaped her lips, and his gaze sharpened and dropped to her mouth. She wasn’t sure who moved first, but suddenly she was in his arms. His mouth was hard and insistent against hers, but that only excited her more. She drank in his essence like rain after a long drought. His pretense at aloofness was abandoned as his hands deftly found all the places he knew she liked to be touched. Shamelessly, she hooked a leg up over his hip and groaned impatiently at finding him already hard for her. His broad hands cupped her backside as he stumbled back against the wall of the tiny alcove. In a quick motion, he twisted them both around so she was pinned between the wall and his lean body. He worked one hand free and brought it up to grasp the back of her neck, tangling in her hair as he brought his mouth down on hers. There was nothing soft or kind in his embrace. His mouth was punishing; he bit her lip as he demanded entrance with his tongue. None of that mattered. He was finally hers again, and she would take whatever he would give her. He shoved up her shirt, pushing aside her bra as he lowered his head to her breasts. She almost sobbed at the feel of his tongue circling her taut nipples until she thought she might come just from that alone.  
“Yes, yes,” she cried. “I need you… please.” She was no longer too proud to beg. She was already working his fly open and wrapped her hand around his length, causing him to moan and buck hard in her grasp.  
“Condom,” he said, and typical of him, it sounded more like an order than a request.  
She stilled and then groaned in frustration. “I don't have any. Maybe Leonard has some in his room.”  
He pulled away from her, and his expression was unreadable. “You must have some in your apartment.”  
“No, I don't.”  
“Then you must at least have one in your purse.”  
She grimaced. “I told you, I don't have any!”  
“Why not?” he demanded.  
She took a moment to pull her bra and shirt back into place and straighten her clothes before meeting his gaze. “I never signed the papers.”  
He immediately knew what she was talking about. “You didn't need to. The documents were simply to notify you that I had filed for divorce. They informed you of your option to retain your own legal counsel.”  
“You don't get it, Sheldon; I didn't want legal counsel! All I wanted was for you to talk to me, to give me a chance to explain. But you made damn sure that never happened.” She crossed her arms. “I never cheated on you. Kurt’s gay.” He frowned and opened his mouth. She rushed on before he could begin to argue with her. “Shortly after you and I eloped, I met Kurt in an acting workshop. A few months later, we both got parts in that stupid horror movie. While we were filming, he told me that he had the chance to audition for a romantic lead role, but he was nervous about whether he could look convincing kissing a woman. So I told him I’d help him practice.” She faced Sheldon defiantly. “You knew that if I ever got a part like that, I might have to kiss another guy on camera. But it wouldn’t mean anything to me; it's just acting. I agreed to help Kurt because he was a friend. Maybe I should’ve told you then, but I knew you wouldn’t like it. We used to go hide in his dressing room or some other deserted area so people wouldn’t talk about us. It wouldn’t have hurt his reputation for the cast and crew to think we were having an affair, but I didn’t want anyone to start rumors about me. The whole thing was really awkward, to tell you the truth. I guess you saw me one time giving him pointers, but I never cheated on you. To me, it wasn’t any different that if I’d had to kiss someone onscreen for a role. You’re the one who blew it all out of proportion.”  
“Me?” Sheldon cried incredulously. “How is any of this my fault?”  
She laughed bitterly. “You never could accept that I loved you. You were always looking for some sign that I would leave you, and eventually, you found something you could twist to fit your crazy world view.”  
“The word is paradigm, and I’ve told you before, I’m not crazy!”  
She shook her head and dropped onto the sofa. “Yeah, I know - I used to say things like that to get you all worked up. In my family, we all argued with each other all the time. It was fun. I didn’t realize at the time that the things I said genuinely hurt your feelings. To me, fighting was just a way of adding a little excitement to our relationship.”  
“I never wanted that. I just wanted... you.”  
“Do you still?” She looked directly into his face. “I’ve spent years trying to move on with my life, but it’s no use. I don’t know if you believe me, but I’m still in love with you. I never stopped loving you. That’s why I let go of my pride and came after you. I know you don’t trust me, and I understand why. But if you can tell me there’s any bit of hope left for us, I’ll stay as long as it takes to win you back.”  
He stared, stony-faced, down at her. “You expect me to believe you, but how do you explain the fact that you cohabited with Kurt? Or the fact that on the day you moved into this building, you said he was your boyfriend?”  
She sighed and wiped a hand tiredly across her eyes. “After you left, I couldn’t afford the rent on my own. Kurt was looking for a roommate, so it seemed like a good solution to both our problems. I admit, I sort of used him. As long as he was there to talk to, I thought I could get by without sex or romance. Guys hit on me all the time, but I turned them all down. For the longest time, I was just trying to get over you. Even when it stopped hurting as much, I realized I didn’t want to get over you. Every time I met a guy that I thought was cute, or funny, or interesting, your face would flash through my mind, and I just couldn’t move on. After two years, I looked you up. I found out you were still working at Caltech, and that you had a roommate too. That was around the time my friendship with Kurt started to fall apart. He was getting jealous of my successes. He kept saying that he wasn’t getting callbacks because he was gay.” She snorted. “As if he’s the only gay actor in Hollywood. When I found out he was bad-mouthing me to anyone who would listen, I knew I had to get out. I’d been trying to work up the nerve to come talk to you when I heard about this apartment. I had to take it. I had to give us one more chance.”  
He glared at her, and his expression was cold. “A likely story,” he said. “As an actress, you’re very good at convincing people of all sort of things that aren’t true. I don’t believe a word you’ve just said. Leave me alone, Penny. Go back to whatever life you came from and leave me to mine.” With that, he rose as if to walk away from her.  
A hand on his arm stopped him. As soon as she had his attention, she immediately released him. She met his scowling gaze levelly; she’d been expecting his accusation. “You’re right. I don’t expect you to just take my word for it.” She walked over to the living room and fished out her cell phone from her purse. Handing it to him, she said, “One thing we both know is that I’m not smart enough to hack a phone. So here. Read my texts, my emails, go through my call logs. Have Howard run whatever programs you want on it; I don't care. Once you've seen I have nothing to hide, maybe then you'll talk to me.” Then she walked out, leaving Sheldon at a loss for words.  


* * *

Three years, six months ago:  
Penny gasped as their taxi drove through the extravagantly decorated casinos. To Sheldon’s critical eye, a few were regally elegant, but most were gaudy monstrosities.  
“It's just like in the movies,” she said dreamily. “I've always wanted to come here.”  
He recognized his cue and kissed her, only pulling away, two spots of color glowing in his cheeks, when she tried to pull them both horizontal on the narrow bench of the back seat. She laughed at him, but quickly resumed her slack-jawed perusal of her surroundings.  
“Here you are, sir,” the cabbie pronounced.  
Penny got out and gasped again as her gaze went up and up, taking in the towering resort which that had pulled up in front of. She tugged impatiently at Sheldon’s arm until he gave up trying to count out exact change for their fare and simply rounded up to the nearest dollar. After all, if everything went as planned, this would be his honeymoon, so a little extravagance seemed appropriate.  
Their hotel room was high up, overlooking the city. Penny was so enchanted by the view she almost didn't want to go down to dinner. Sheldon coaxed her with promises of reservations at a chic restaurant. She noticed that he brought along a small gift bag, but all her teasing and questions couldn't pry the answer out of him. Finally, after their meal, he handed the bag to her with a smile. With a squeal of excitement, she reached into the bag and pulled out a pair of tickets.  
“Radiohead?” she gasped. “Holy crap on a cracker, they're almost front row, too. How did you manage it? You know what, it doesn't matter.” She hugged him tightly. “You're the best boyfriend ever!”  
“I certainly hope you think so,” he answered enigmatically. He stared at her for so long that eventually she blushed, smoothing down the front of her dress with her hands.  
“Okay, what is it? Do I have something in my teeth? Did I drop food on my dress?”  
“No,” he answered quickly, reaching across the table to take her hand. “To me, you are perfect. I know you have your flaws, and I know we don't always agree, but none of that seems to matter. I never even looked at another woman in a romantic sense until I met you. You are the only person I can ever imagine wanting to be with. I love you, and I don't mean that lightly.” He hesitated, while Penny blushed and murmured that she loved him too. He didn't want to give away too much of his intentions, yet he was concerned his plans might come as too great a shock to her.  
“I am very, very serious about my feelings for you. If you don't feel the same way, I need to know now.”  
Her blush deepened. “I'm not sure what you're getting at, but I… I've never felt this way about anyone else either.”  
At the concert, Sheldon spent most of the time just watching her. She knew all the lyrics by heart and sang along with her eyes closed, swaying to the beat of the music. Not for the first time, he was grateful for the eidetic memory which would keep this moment alive in his mind forever.  
Towards the end of the concert, he told her he had to go to the bathroom and slipped out. A few minutes later, a couple of burly men wearing neon orange “security” shirts approached.  
“Oh no. What did he do?” she asked, raising her voice to be heard above the music. The men exchanged enigmatic looks.  
“We’re here to inform you that you've been randomly selected to win a backstage pass. If you’d like to meet the band, you have to come with us right now.”  
Penny cast an agonized glance over her shoulder. “I’m here with my boyfriend, but he just left.”  
“Don’t worry; we’ll bring him back too, as soon as we see him.”  
She nodded and bit back a squeal as she followed them through a maze of tunnels and passageways until they finally brought her onto the side wings of the stage. She thought she might faint. Thom Yorke was only about twenty feet away from her. He bent over the mic as he crooned the last notes of the melody. After the applause and cheering died down, he said, “We have a special treat for you tonight. We don’t normally do this. In fact, we’ve never done it before and I don’t think we’re ever going to do it again, but I’d like you all to meet someone.” He turned and gestured in her direction, and before Penny knew what was happening, the security guards were leading her onto the stage. Blushing furiously, she blinked under the bright lights and hoped her hair looked okay.  
“Hello, Penny,” he said as she drew near. She knew the crowd couldn’t hear her, but she waved to them and said, “I can’t believe it… I mean, it’s so great to meet you. I’m a huge fan.”  
“Well, there’s someone here who’s an even bigger fan… of you,” Thom answered with a mischievous grin. Stepping back, he gestured toward the other end of the stage. To her complete shock, Sheldon appeared, wearing a tuxedo. He walked toward her, exchanging a brief nod with Thom before sinking to one knee in front of her. The crowd roared its approval, almost obliterating his words.  
“I know people might say that we’re too young, that we haven’t known each long enough. But I don’t care what other people think. All I know is that I can’t imagine my life without you.” He reached into his pocket of his coat and produced a tiny black velvet box, which he opened to reveal a sparkling diamond ring. “So will you marry me?”  
For a moment, her mouth hung open. This moment was too surreal. Then she looked around and realized he had done all this for her. Against impossible odds, he’d convinced her favorite band to let him propose during their show. She knew he didn’t even like popular music; before they’d met, he had no idea who Radiohead even was. On top of that, he had terrible stage fright, but here he was, baring his soul in front of thousands of frenzied strangers. If she was speechless for a moment, it was out of sheer disbelief that anyone could love her so much. There was only one answer she could give him, and tears of joy slid down her cheeks as she said yes.


	7. Chapter 7

For several minutes, Sheldon stood frozen, staring at the phone in his hand as if it were a live nuclear device. Eventually, after a quick flick of his eyes toward the door, he tapped the screen. A ten-digit numeric display appeared. With a frown, he wondered why Penny hadn't given him the code. Surely she wasn't still using the same one… Hesitantly, he entered the four digits of the month and date of his birthday. The home screen appeared. He was in. His stomach lurched as this seemed to confirm two important points: one, Penny had been telling the truth about not knowing the basics of programming her phone, and two, she’d kept his birthdate as her password. There didn’t seem to be any reason why she would do that. No reason at all, he told himself stubbornly.  
Deciding he needed some privacy in case Leonard came home, he took two steps toward his room, only to be stopped by a jingling sound from his loosened belt buckle. He quickly refastened his khakis, feeling chagrined that he had allowed things to go so far with Penny when he still didn't trust her. Unfortunately, a lack of trust hadn’t stopped him from wanting to tear all her clothes off and bury himself inside her until she was screaming his name. He heard a soft thud as the phone hit the floor. He hadn’t even felt it slip from his slackened grip. With a scowl, he picked it up.  
Back in his room, he started reading through her texts, starting with the ones from Kurt. From a cursory glance, it looked like she’d never deleted any old texts. They went back as far as the age of the phone, about three years. The odd thing was that the tone of their exchanges was friendly, but not romantic or sexual. Then he read something that didn't make any sense. He reread the messages with a growing sense of shock.  
 _Kurt: Met this really great guy tonight at the club._  
 _Penny: Is he cute???_  
 _Kurt: HOT!!!!_  
 _Penny: Go for it! He’d be lucky to snag a guy like you. I’d say don't do anything I wouldn't do but…_  
There wasn't any more to that conversation. The next message was from Kurt asking how an audition had gone, to which Penny replied that they told her she was too perky. They're morons, was Kurt’s response.  
As Sheldon continued to read through their texts, it became apparent that either this was a very elaborate ruse, or Penny had been telling the truth: Kurt really was gay and had been nothing more than her roommate. Once he got to texts from about a year ago, he noticed something began to change. Kurt started to say unkind things to Penny. He started implying - no, stating outright - that she was sleeping around to get parts. At first, she protested, then she got angry. In her last few texts, she warned him that she was moving out and if he kept harassing her, she was going to get a restraining order against him. Reading this, Sheldon felt cold. Had that over-muscled Neanderthal really been threatening Penny? When Kurt crashed her Halloween party, he had stood by and watched indifferently, while Leonard was the one who tried to get the jerk to leave Penny alone. Sheldon gripped the phone tightly, questioning whether he could really believe what he had read. As always, the best approach seemed to be more research, so he opened up the next set of texts from someone named Megan, presumably one of Penny’s friends.   
Hours later, the phone's battery was almost drained. He’d finished reading all of her text messages, and they painted a very different picture than what he’d believed. Her friends chided her for being boring and needing to “get back on the horse”. Her mother told her bluntly that she needed to move on. Penny had replied, None of these guys I meet seem real. Sheldon was worth ten of them. Her mother’s response was: No he wasn't. He left you.  
He laid the phone down on the bed, hardly knowing what to think. Three years ago, he’d been so sure he was right. He was so hurt and angry that he refused to even listen to what she had to say. Again and again, she’d reached out to him, and he had shut her out.  
Quickly, before he could change his mind, he called Howard and said four words he’d never imagined saying to the man he deemed a treasured acquaintance: “I need your help.”  
*****  
Leonard watched Sheldon pacing in the living room and gave him an puzzled stare. “You’re up late. It’s past your bedtime.”  
“I’m working on an important project.”  
Leonard squinted at Sheldon’s whiteboard, but there was nothing new on it as far as he could tell. Just then, there was a knock at the door, and Sheldon quickly strode over and threw it open to reveal Howard.  
“What are you doing here?” Leonard demanded.  
Howard held up his hands in a gesture of innocence. “Sorry, man, I’ve been sworn to secrecy, as long as he holds up his end of the bargain.”  
Sheldon promptly strode to his desk, picked up a plastic-encased comic book, and handed it to Howard. The shorter man’s eyes lit up. “Daredevil number 168, the first appearance of Elektra,” he grinned. Then he narrowed his eyes at Sheldon. “That's only half of our bargain.”  
Sheldon handed him a piece of paper. “Signed and notarized,” he commented.  
Howard quickly read over it, and a gloating smile spread across his face. “From this day forward, I, Sheldon Lee Cooper, PhD, shall never again refer to Howard Joel Wolowitz as an acquaintance. He shall be included among the persons I publicly and privately acknowledge as friends.” He looked up at Sheldon. “Good enough. Now where’s this cell phone?”  
“What's going on?” Leonard asked.  
Sheldon swiveled his head toward his roommate as if he had forgotten he was in the room. “That information is on a need-to-know basis,” he quipped. “And you don’t need to know.” He disappeared down the hallway. With a shrug at Leonard, Howard followed.  
At the doorway to his bedroom, Sheldon paused. “I’m granted you a one-time temporary access to my room. Don’t abuse the privilege.”  
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Howard muttered sarcastically. Fortunately, Sheldon rarely understood when people was using sarcasm, so he took Howard’s statement at face value. He carefully closed the door behind them and handed Howard the phone. “I need you to authenticate everything on here.”  
“Everything?” Howard echoed with a whine. “That could take days… weeks.”  
Sheldon looked at him sternly. “We have a deal.”  
Howard rolled his eyes. “We have a deal, my friend,” he retorted pointedly. He didn’t move until Sheldon, with a sigh, repeated what he’d said. Then he quickly sat down on the bed, pulled a laptop out of his messenger bag and connected it to the phone with a cable. After a few minutes, he said, “Do you know the password? It’ll definitely save us some time if you do.”  
Reluctantly, Sheldon recited the digits, but Howard entered them without comment. It seemed he didn't have the slightest clue when Sheldon’s birthday was, a situation Sheldon was anxious to maintain.  
After several minutes, Howard announced he’d cloned the device. Then he straightened and looked at Sheldon with a mixture of alarm and salacious delight. “Dude, this is Penny's phone. She's gonna use your intestines as a scarf when she finds out.”  
Sheldon shook his head. “She gave it to me, along with permission to examine it as I saw fit.”  
Howard shot him an incredulous look. “What the frak? Why would she do that?”  
“Satisfying your curiosity was not part of our agreement,” Sheldon replied sternly. “Are you finished?”  
Howard leaned over his laptop again and tapped a few keys, then disconnected the phone and handed it over. “Like I said, it’ll take some time to run all the authentication protocols you wanted, but on the surface, it all looks kosher. No indication of tampering.”  
“That's imposs--- it’s highly improbable.”  
“You know the saying, once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains--”  
“Don't quote Sherlock Holmes at me,” Sheldon snapped. “You have work to do. Get to it.”  
Grumbling under his breath that he should’ve driven a harder bargain, Howard gathered up his things and left.

* * *

Three years, six months ago:  
Sheldon had been unwilling to give Penny a chance to have second thoughts. Immediately after the concert, a limo whisked them away to a wedding chapel off the Strip. Penny, starry-eyed with happiness, picked out a dress from one of the several options available, and then Sheldon handed her a bouquet of Gerbera daisies. She teared up all over again when she saw them. They complimented the simple lines of the sheath dress perfectly.  
Their honeymoon was just for the weekend in Vegas, but for Sheldon, it was the happiest few days of his life. He couldn’t quite believe that Penny had said yes to him, that she was his forever. In his projections, his plans had had only a twenty-three percent chance of success, but he felt so strongly about her that he had taken the chance - the biggest gamble of his life - and it had paid off. Vegas truly was the place to risk it all.  
Penny had seemed happy the whole weekend, giggling whenever he referred to her as “Mrs. Cooper” and frequently admiring her new wedding ring. But on the long drive home, she grew quiet, which was highly unusual for her. Finally, she pulled over in a deserted rest stop that was little more than a few parking spaces. Turning toward him, her face was grave as she said, “We need to talk.”  
He’d never experienced how four little words could strike such fear into his heart. He could barely focus on what she was saying as a voice screamed in his head that she didn’t want him, that she was going to leave him, that this was all just a joke to her.  
“Sheldon!” She was shaking his arm, peering into his face. “What happened? You’re scaring me. It’s like your mind was on another planet.”  
He shook his head as if to clear it. “Are you terminating our relationship?” he asked, distantly.  
She recoiled as if he’d struck her. “Of course not! Why the hell would you think that? We just got married. I’m just saying that we’re both really young, and you know that what my friends and family think is really important to me. I don't think I could stand it if anyone I cared about thought I was making a mistake. So I just think we need more time, okay?”  
He shook his head, bemused. “More time for what?”  
She looked down, toying with her new ring. “The longer we wait to tell people, the less weird it will seem that we got married.”  
He thought about that for a while. “You wish to keep our marriage a secret,” he said heavily. He hated the convolutions that came with trying to cover the logical inconsistencies of a lie.  
“Sweetie, we've only known each other for about six months. I'm only nineteen; you're still working on your doctorate. You know both our families will freak when they find out.”  
He winced, tacitly acknowledging the truth of that statement. His mother had given him quite a lecture about “living in sin” when he and Penny moved in together. He’d imagined that his mother would be happy to hear that the two of them were married, but what if he was wrong?  
“How long do you need?” he asked, knowing in that moment that he was giving in. Even if he didn't agree with her reasons, he was deeply in love and would do anything to please his beautiful new wife - even conceal their marriage from the world.  
“Maybe… maybe after I turn twenty. At least then I won't be a teenage bride.” Her eyes silently pleaded with him to understand.  
“That’s months away,” he protested, but without much force. There was, after all, a certain amount of logic to her reasoning. He was proud of her for that, even if everything in him cried out at the thought of denying the true nature of their relationship.  
“Honey, please… for me,” she begged.  
He finally agreed, but the decision left a bad taste in his mouth. He knew that Penny was beautiful and desirable; in fact, he hated going out anywhere with her because men would often come up and start flirting with her, as if he wasn’t even there. Of course, she’d always made it clear that she was in a relationship - but now, it seemed like she was being deceptive. While he was vastly more intelligent than she was, he knew that most people chose their mates based on a certain reciprocity of physical attractiveness. He wondered if she was ever interested in the other men that constantly sought to win her affections. The idea of her leaving him filled him with a fear so deep it was almost paralyzing. He loved her to distraction, with an intensity that some might consider madness. As he now wondered if he could trust her, the first tendrils of doubt began to infiltrate his mind.  
Back in their tiny studio apartment, Sheldon secreted his wedding band inside the puzzle box his Meemaw had given him when he was five. For many years, the sight of that box had given him a warm glow of happiness, but now it only brought bitter disappointment. Penny was ashamed of him; that must be the reason she didn't want anyone to know they were married.   
The suspicion poisoned his thoughts. Whenever Penny went out, he quizzed her extensively about where she was going and with whom. She responded by staying out until all hours, often coming home so drunk she could hardly stand. Sheldon fretted and fumed; she yelled at him until he cringed. Then she would either storm out or cry. After that came her apologies, and then she would drag him to the bedroom - or sofa, table, or wall - for loud, passionate make-up sex. Each time, he allowed himself to hope: she must love him if she kept coming back. But she still refused to wear her wedding band and insisted that he keep his word not to tell anyone.  
Penny’s “big break” came a few months into their marriage. It was an actual speaking part in a legitimate movie. That was the only good thing that could be said about the role. She’d gotten it through one of her many male friends. The movie, Serial Apist, was a cheesy, low-budget horror movie that only the most generous would call a “B movie”. Her role consisted of one sentence, delivered partially nude in a sexually gratuitous scene. The nudity was the final straw for Sheldon. This time, when they argued, he refused to accept her apologies and spurned her advances.  
Ultimately, Penny found herself screaming at her husband through the closed and locked bathroom door. Gathering up the last remaining shreds of her dignity, she left to spend the night at a friend's house. Katie plied her with Haagen Dazs and cheap wine, agreed with her that her “boyfriend” was being a complete jerk, and offered Penny her couch for as long as she needed a place to crash.  
The next day on set, Kurt approached her. Ripped like a bodybuilder on a constant diet of steroids, he’d been cast to play the title role of the crazed gorilla. Remembering Penny as pretty and always good for a round of drinks, he’d recommended her for one of the smaller roles. Seeing him head purposefully in her direction, she suppressed a groan. She owed him, and they both knew it. Fortunately, he was gay, so he didn't think of her as a piece of tail. Unfortunately, he still had this slightly presumptuous air and a habit of asking her for favors she didn't feel she could refuse.  
“What is it, Kurt? I have to go get my hair redone for the next take,” she said, indicating her dripping locks which were soaking the back of her mid-thigh length robe.  
“I just need your help with something. It won't take long.”  
She waited silently until he volunteered the rest. Being cast as the title character, even in this crapfest of a movie, had gotten him a few promising offers. One of them was a new crime drama series.  
“But this scene I'm reading for, it's with a woman they already cast as the lead, and I'm supposed to make out with her. I have to have chemistry with her, or I'm screwed.”  
Penny bit back a chuckle at his double entendre. “So what's the problem?”  
“I haven't kissed a girl since I was thirteen,” he confessed.  
She shrugged, wishing she had dry clothes. “It can't be that different.”  
“I need to look natural. I need someone to give me feedback. Come on, I got you this part, now you help me get mine.”  
Penny sighed. “Fine, but not in your dressing room or mine. It's gotta be someplace private where no one can see.” She scowled, hating the Hollywood double standard. As the star, no one cared who Kurt slept with, but she didn't want anyone thinking that was how she got this part.  
Certain she would agree, Kurt had come prepared with a video camera so she could review and critique his performance. Penny suppressed a roll of her eyes, reminding herself that he really had done her a huge favor in getting her this part.  
“Okay, put your arms around me… No, not like that. Hold me like you mean it. Now kiss me like I'm a really hot guy.” She grinned at him and was pulled into a crushing embrace against his massive chest as he lowered his mouth to hers. Neither of them noticed the approach of the pale, slender form of a very different sort of man. Dressed in a sci-fi tee, plaid slacks and a Members Only windbreaker, he was the antithesis of the handsome, muscle bound actor… the one who was currently mauling his scantily clad wife. A bouquet of gerbera daisies dropped from his enervated grasp and fell noiselessly to the ground. Sheldon turned woodenly and walked away. His sham of a marriage was over.


	8. Chapter 8

Within a few day’s time, Howard had run the phone's data through several of the most highly-rated authentication programs. He confirmed that everything on Penny’s phone was genuine, something that Sheldon already instinctively knew even though he didn’t believe in intuition. Perhaps this news should have made him happy, but it didn't. He wasn't used to feeling inadequate, but there was no denying that he had failed Penny. He’d been her husband; he had vowed to love and cherish her, yet had abandoned her at the first sign of doubt. No one could blame him, he thought, for being furious at seeing her lip-locked with another man, or of suspecting her of having an affair. The fault lay in the fact that he’d been so sure he was right. He'd never even given her a chance to explain. Even after he’d moved out, found a roommate and tried to reconstruct the shattered pieces of his life, he still refused to hear her side of the story. She’d even waited for him outside the science building at Caltech, begging him to explain why he’d left. His response was to call campus security.  
From the very first time Penny had kissed him, he knew her presence in his life was a game-changer, as she would say - or in his terms, a paradigm alteration. He’d never met anyone who liked him enough to voluntarily spend time with him. In that heady glow of acceptance, he’d abandoned caution. Quite simply, he had fallen hard and fast. Sheldon was not, by nature, a reckless or trusting person, but Penny had gotten past his defenses, which made her perceived betrayal hurt all the more.  
Now with the proof right in front of him, he was devastated. He hadn't been the victim whose beautiful but faithless wife had cheated on him. He was the cad who’d abandoned his wife. In their wedding vows, he had promised to love and cherish her, but now he realized he’d never truly done so. He’d always clung to the idea of his own superiority. It was the only way he could tolerate the bullying, torment, and accusations of insanity that had dogged him all his life. Now he saw that his intelligence had merely led him to the wrong conclusions. Like the worst hack scientist, he had allowed his prejudices to inform his interpretation of the data. In the years since he left her, Penny had proven her superiority by remaining faithful even to his memory, despite how much he had hurt her. With absolute conviction, he knew that he didn't deserve to be loved by someone like her. He’d never believe anyone could truly love him. Even his own family, he believed, only extended their consideration to him because of a selfish interest in the perpetuation of their own genetic code.  
For the next several weeks, he wrestled with an existential crisis, knowing that he was entirely to blame for the failure of their marriage. For the first time, he realized that they hadn't had an equal partnership. She had loved him unreservedly, while his love had been tainted by suspicion and jealousy. She had come back to him, looking for a second chance, but if that could work - if he was to deserve her - he needed to change.  
Being Sheldon, this meant he turned to what he understood: formulas and equations. He spent weeks working feverishly on a new behavioral algorithm. Leonard was only vaguely aware of what Sheldon was working on and thought it was something to help him “learn to pass as a human being”, as Howard put it. While he was creating his algorithm, Sheldon did his best to avoid Penny. He knew she was hurt that he retreated to his bedroom whenever she came over, but he wasn’t ready to face her. Unless he could find a way to change, he believed she was better off without him. The knowledge that he alone was responsible for the dissolution of his marriage haunted him. Worse, he knew something that she didn’t - much as he’d wanted to cut her out of his life entirely three years ago, he hadn't been able to make that separation official.  
*****  
Christmas was rapidly approaching, which made Sheldon nervous. Much as he stressed over the idea of exchanging presents, he knew that if Penny got him anything, it could very well unbalance his equations and undo all his hard work. In an attempt to cover all his bases, he bought several gift baskets of varying sizes and values. In retrospect, he should have known better.  
On Christmas day, Penny showed up at their place wearing a red dress trimmed with white faux fur. After giving Leonard his present (a travel mug decorated with the Bohr atomic symbol), she handed Sheldon a flat rectangular package. He knew immediately from the dimensions that it must be a comic book. Carefully loosening the tape holding the wrapping paper together, he withdrew the book and stared at the cover for several seconds, his face blank with shock. He lifted his eyes to the woman standing before him with a hopeful smile, and guilt enveloped him. How could she continue to be so kind to him, knowing what he had done? He slowly shook his head. “I can't accept this,” he said. He thrust the book at Penny, but she wouldn’t take it, so he dropped it on the coffee table and fled to the safety of his room.  
The silence stretched out awkwardly until Leonard offered, “He has this weird thing about reciprocal gift giving, but that’s no excuse for his behavior. Let me go talk to him.”  
Penny's shoulders drooped, and her head bowed. “No. I give up. I guess some things really can’t be fixed. I’m sorry about all this. Merry Christmas, Leonard.” Then she slipped out the door before he could muster an objection. With a puzzled shake of his head, Leonard reached for the object that had started this catastrophe. When he saw it, his jaw dropped. The comic book was only a few years old, with no inherent value - except for the fact that it was signed by Stan Lee. He read the brief message with a puzzled frown. Sheldon, you're one lucky bastard. Excelsior! Stan Lee.  
He had no idea why his roommate was acting like such a jerk, but he’d hurt Penny’s feelings. In Leonard’s mind, that meant he had to act. He didn't care about his roommate’s insistence on privacy; he was going to make him go out and apologize, even if he had to pull out the big guns and call Mary Cooper. He barged into Sheldon’s room without knocking, but what he saw made him halt in utter shock and confusion. Sheldon was sitting on his bed, a splayed-open puzzle box and a sheaf of papers next to him. What caught Leonard's attention was the glint of gold that flashed from a plain band that Sheldon was turning over in his hands.  
“Where did you get that?” Leonard asked. “Is that a wedding band?”  
Sheldon glanced up with a look of agonized indecision that Leonard had never seen before. “I don't know what to do,” he said plaintively. His hands shook as he twisted the gold band around and around.  
“Whose?” Leonard asked faintly. Somehow he knew he wasn't going to like the answer.  
“It's mine. Penny and I were - technically still are - married.”  
“You… what?” Leonard stammered.  
“We met almost four years ago, shortly after Penny moved to California. We were both alone, and so we bonded almost immediately. In just a few months, we had moved in together. I suppose our relationship progressed too quickly, but I wanted her to belong to me, more than anything. Even more than the Nobel, if you can imagine, and how long would you hesitate if you thought you had an opportunity of that magnitude?”  
Leonard nodded wordlessly. He couldn't argue with that logic; it was exactly how he’d felt too, the moment he laid eyes on Penny.  
"After we eloped, she showed signs of regretting her decision. She made me promise to keep our marriage a secret, even from our families. I reacted poorly and became obsessive and jealous. When I found her kissing another man, I… I couldn't take it. I moved out that afternoon, leaving divorce papers for her to find. She came here to win me back. I now have proof that she has not been in a serious relationship since I left her. In fact, I believe she has been entirely abstinent even after she thought our marriage was dissolved.”  
“So how… why are you still married?”  
Sheldon gestured to the stack of papers on the bed. “She didn't sign them… and I couldn't bring myself to file them.”  
Leonard picked up the documents and read the names on it, and then the date. Over three years ago… how was that even possible? He could grasp some of the most advanced scientific concepts on the planet, and yet the idea that his roommate had once been in love and convinced someone as beautiful as Penny to marry him was bewildering. “Wait… so if you left because she was cheating on you, why are you saying she hasn't been involved with anyone else?”  
“I didn’t say she wasn’t cheating on me; I said I saw her kissing another man - Kurt, the one who crashed her Halloween party. At the time, jealousy blinded me to any other explanation for her actions. Now, I believe Kurt either persuaded or coerced her, for his own reasons. Penny gave me her phone a few weeks ago. Howard cloned it and authenticated all the data on it. Kurt’s texts and emails to her show a pattern of escalating ill-will and aggression.”  
Leonard’s eyes widened. “But she was living with him, right?”  
Sheldon nodded. “What I didn't know at the time - what I probably would have known if I’d paid attention - was that Kurt is gay. Whatever was going on between them, his interest in her wasn't sexual.”  
Leonard swallowed hard and looked away. His interest in Penny had been completely sexual. How else could he think he was in love at first sight, before he had any idea what kind of person she was? And all that time - damn it - he’d actually been hitting on his best friend's wife? He shifted uncomfortably but told himself he refused to feel guilty. He would've left Penny alone If Sheldon had been up front with him, wouldn't he?  
“After I moved out, she still knew where I worked and came to Caltech a few times to talk to me. I felt so betrayed that I refused to hear her out. I called security and had her removed from the premises. She still tried to call or text, but I blocked her number. Eventually, she left me alone… until she moved in across the hall a few months ago.”  
Leonard’s gaze returned to the gold band that Sheldon was still twisting nervously. “Why couldn't you accept that present?” he asked softly. “What did it mean?”  
His friends bleak expression made his features appear almost skeletal. His eyes were dull and lifeless. “It means that at some point in the past, probably while I suspected her of being unfaithful, she sacrificed her time and spent a small fortune to get me something she knew I would love. I don't deserve her. I never did.”  
Leonard realize with an unpleasant shock that his own attitude toward Penny had been very similar, and yet they were both wrong. “Love isn't about what you deserve,” he said slowly. “It's about what you're willing to give. My mom thought she was the best parent ever. She thought the way she raised me gave me an advantage few people ever get. But she never showed me that she loved me or had a single word of praise for me. In her mind, that was what I deserved - that the way she raised me would motivate me to work hard and succeed in life. But all I ever wanted was for her to hug me and say she was proud of me. If you really love Penny, then you need to show her.” He paused. “Do you really? Love her, I mean?”  
Sheldon swallowed hard and closed his fist around the ring. “I was so angry at her for so long… but I never stopped loving her. I think that's why the betrayal continued to hurt so much.”  
“The betrayal that never happened… unless you count your walking out on her without any explanation.”  
Sheldon’s face clouded over, and he drew in a sharp breath. “I don’t know if I can do better. Maybe it’s best if I just let her go.”  
Leonard scowled and shook his head. “It’s Christmas. After all she’s gone through, there’s no way I’m letting you give up. At the very least, you owe her one hell of an apology.” He gathered up the divorce papers, shoved them into Sheldon’s hands, and then herded his reluctant friend over to Penny’s door.  


* * *

Three years, one month ago:  
As soon as she got home, Penny knew something was wrong. Their apartment had been stripped of Sheldon’s colorful knick knacks, and the silence seemed to echo hollowly in her ears. She wondered if he'd decided to put them all away but couldn't imagine why he would do so. Then she saw the packet of papers on the kitchen counter. She picked them up, and her blood turned to ice in her veins. Dissolution of marriage… it couldn't be true. Maybe it was a joke - a horrible, cruel joke, but Sheldon never had any sense of what was socially appropriate. She read through the document, or tried to. The only thing she really understood was that he had signed the damn thing. He must have really meant it. But why? They hadn't been fighting. As far as she knew, they weren't having any problems. What could possibly cause her husband to leave her without a word of explanation?  
She tried to call him, but his phone went straight to voicemail. Then she racked her brain, trying to think of where he might have gone. There were no friends he might turn to - as far as she knew, she was the only person in California he knew well. Could he have met someone else? The thought made the floor seem to sway under her feet, and she stumbled to a nearby chair. Her whole body began to shake. She thought they were fine, but that's what she thought about her last serious boyfriend too, and he’d cheated on her. But she was completely sure that Sheldon never had a girlfriend before her. It just wasn't in his nature to cheat. But then why had he left?  
She tried to contact him, of course. He could move, change his number and block her emails, but that didn’t mean she’d forgotten where he worked. Unfortunately, Caltech had just installed a new key card system, which meant that she couldn’t access the building where he worked. She did, however, ambush him several times in the parking lot as he was leaving work with his new roommate. Garrett thought he was crazy, refusing to give such a beautiful woman the time of day. He said that if he had a girl who looked like that, he’d take her back no matter what she’d done. Penny, of course, had been protesting her innocence the whole time, but Sheldon was determined that he was never going to make a fool of himself again. She eventually gave up, unable to find a chink in his defenses.  
Unfortunately, that was around the same time that Garrett found he couldn’t tolerate all of Sheldon’s new apartment rules. The two roommates fought for weeks before Garrett moved out, but not before spreading all sorts of rumors about Sheldon at Caltech. No one had really believed that Penny had been Sheldon’s wife at all. Garrett’s malicious gossip claimed Sheldon was an emotionless robot who couldn’t stand the idea of touching anyone. Very few people had ever seen the more vulnerable side of him. Penny was one of the few, and she’d betrayed him. Sheldon decided that being an emotionless robot was preferable to the unbearable misery he was suffering.  
So he started building his routine, becoming more paranoid about germs and even more rude to anyone who had the misfortune of interacting with him. The only regret he felt when Garrett moved out was that he would now need to find someone else to drive him to work. He met Leonard a few months later. Leonard was a new hire in the Caltech physics department, and his arrival postdated the gossip and rumors about Sheldon’s marriage. The shorter man answered the ad for a roommate, was a fellow physicist, and managed to pass all of Sheldon’s tests. He signed the roommate agreement after barely glancing through it, and most of the time he did whatever Sheldon wanted. He was the perfect roommate and was fast becoming a good friend. Sheldon began to believe this lifestyle was sustainable. So what if he couldn’t say he was happy? There were days when he wasn’t unhappy, and that seemed to be the best he could hope for. He kept to his quiet, safe routine—with science as his only mistress and Leonard, Raj and Howard as his only friends—for more than three years. That was when Penny walked back into his life.


	9. Chapter 9

Penny answered Leonard's unpatterned knock, saying, “Leonard, I’m not really up for company…” She stopped, frowned at Sheldon and asked bluntly, “Why is he here?”  
“Sheldon has something he needs to say to you. Just hear him out,” he pleaded.  
She pursed her lips, clearly unhappy, but let the two of them inside. Leonard elbowed Sheldon in the ribs as he fidgeted, standing in the middle of her living area.  
“I owe you an apology,” he said stiffly. “I take full responsibility for the dissolution of our marriage.” Penny gaped at him, speechless with shock. “There’s something else you should know.” He handed the documents to her.  
Her face softened as she looked at the top paper. “Our marriage certificate - you kept it.” Then she turned to the next page, and her features hardened. “And the divorce papers… why are you showing these to me?”  
“I need you to understand why I have them. They’re still in my possession because I could never bring myself to file them. The divorce was never processed. We’re still married.”  
All the color drained from Penny’s face. There was a flash of motion and a resounding clap. Sheldon cradled the side of his face that she had just slapped, too stunned to react. “You heartless bastard,” she hissed. Then her face crumpled, and with a sob, she ran out of her apartment.  
For several long moments, neither man spoke.  
“Something you forgot to mention?” Leonard asked, shaking his head with a mixture of pity and disbelief.  
“I don't understand. She said she wanted to get back together.” Sheldon cast a wide-eyed, helpless look at his best friend, then winced and gently massaged his stinging cheek.  
“Look at this from her perspective,” Leonard said. “She got married way too young, so young she was afraid of what her family and friends would say. Then her husband--” He squinted at Sheldon, still half expecting this to turn out to be a bazinga. “Her husband proves her right by ditching her without cause or provocation - as far as she knows,” he said, raising a hand to forestall Sheldon’s inevitable protest. “She moves in with someone she thinks is a friend, only to have him turn on her too. All this time, her friends are urging her to move on, but probably none of them know the whole story. Despite how horribly you treated her, somehow she hasn't been able to get over you. When she came back, you accuse her of cheating, when the truth is that she's been waiting for you for years. Now you finally tell her that you couldn't go through with the divorce. You think you're being magnanimous, but in her eyes, you set her up. You let her think your marriage was over when it actually wasn't, so that when she found someone new, you'd make her a cheater. It's only because you really are the luckiest bastard alive and she's still hung up on you that she didn't sleep with someone else in the past few years. It's like you framed her. I'm surprised she didn't punch you.”  
All the color had drained from Sheldon’s face. “I never thought of it that way,” he said faintly. He turned frantically to his best friend. “What do I do?”  
Leonard looked around the room for a moment, taking in the colorful decorations and soft furnishings which were so different from their drab apartment. This was what he wanted - a woman to come into his life and imbue it with warmth and happiness. But that woman would never be Penny. He wasn't sure how long it would take to get over his futile crush, but Sheldon was his best friend. He deserved happiness too.  
They’d both heard Penny's footsteps as she ran up the stairs, most likely headed toward the roof for some privacy. He jerked his head upward. “If you really want her back, then it's your turn to make some sacrifices for her.”  
Sheldon paled but nodded.  
“I guess you know best what would make her happy,” Leonard continued with a rueful grimace. “But right now, you need to go apologize to her. Get down on your knees if you have to. Tell her you're sorry and that you were an idiot, and tell her over and over again until she believes you. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for a woman like her if she loved me. I mean it. Do you think even a Nobel Prize can compare to a love like that? You said you don't think you deserve her. If I were you, I'd spend every day of the rest of my life trying to measure up. You failed her once, but you’ve been given a second chance. Go be the man she deserves.”  
Leonard made it sound so simple. Yet Sheldon knew if he was to make his marriage work, he would have to struggle every day against his selfish and immature impulses. The analogy of the Nobel Prize applied here as well, he realized with a surge of hope. He would never win that ultimate acknowledgement of his genius without years, perhaps a lifetime, of hard work. Pursuit of that goal required dedication, persistence and sacrifice. The difference was that he could spend decades working towards a Nobel with no guarantees that he would ever succeed. Penny had been the one to come after him. He’d walked away once from the greatest happiness he’d ever known. Now it was his turn to pursue her, to convince her that he could put her needs above his own.  
With a grateful nod to Leonard, Sheldon climbed the stairs. He found Penny looking out over the city with her arms wrapped tightly around her body. The metal door’s rusted hinges squealed as he pushed it open. She didn't even glance his way, but he saw her swipe moisture away from her cheeks.   
He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. In the end, he just decided to borrow Leonard’s. “I'm sorry. I was an idiot.”  
She still didn't turn to look at him, but her shoulders stiffened. He hoped it was a good sign.  
He moved so he could just see the edge of her cheek, noting it was wet with tears. Then he sank to one knee on the dirty rooftop. That got her attention. She turned to look at him, her eyes wide with shock.  
“For more than three years, we’ve both been miserable, and I’m entirely to blame. I thought you would be happy to hear we were still married, but I didn’t understand how you might see it. When I walked away from our marriage, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, but to protect myself from the pain I was feeling. I don’t know how to make this situation right, but I’ll do anything you ask of me.”  
She gazed at his face for a long time, and her expression was indecipherable to him. At last, she asked softly, “Was I ever the most important person in the world to you - more important than yourself?”  
“Yes,” he said with all the force he could put into that single word. “You threw my whole life into chaos… but I never knew happiness until I met you.”  
Fresh tears flowed down her face. “If you really want me back, I want you to promise me two things.”  
He quickly said, “I promise.”  
“You don’t even know what I’m going to say,” she objected.  
He reached for her hand. “You are worth any sacrifice.”  
She shook her head, more in disbelief than denial. “This is what I want. I want you to promise me you'll never walk away from me again. And I want you to promise that no matter what problem comes up, we’ll talk about it and find a solution.”  
He gaped at her. “Those are your conditions? You aren't going to ask me to move to Nebraska or give up sci-fi?”  
“Why would I do that? I don't want you to change who you are. I love you. I never stopped loving you.”   
“I didn't love you the way you deserved, but I never stopped loving you either.”  
She smiled at him, and for a moment neither of them did anything more than gaze longingly in each other's eyes. Then Penny tugged on his hand, pulling him to his feet. “It's been three damn years. Don't make me wait any longer.”  
It was all the permission he needed, and he cradled her face as he tried to express all the love and gratitude in his heart. She rose up on her toes to meet him as he brought his mouth down on hers. She clutched at him, and he could hear a little whimper as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
A long time passed before the two of them came back inside, hand in hand. Their cheeks were flushed and their clothing slightly askew. In the stairwell between the fourth and fifth floors, she tried to smooth out his hair. “I guess we look like we've been fooling around,” she teased.  
“Not nearly as much as I'd like,” he answered with a smirk.  
She laughed but said, “After all he's done for us, Leonard deserves better than to spend the rest of Christmas alone. Besides, there’s not much more we can do without condoms, and the stores won't open until tomorrow.”  
“I believe Leonard has some in his nightstand,” Sheldon offered with a devious grin.  
Penny laughed again. “I like the way you think.”  
Leonard looked rather surprised to see Sheldon and Penny come in. “So, you two look... happy, right?”  
Penny beamed at her husband. “Yup, and a big part of it is thanks to you,” she said to Leonard, giving him a hug.  
When she stepped back, Sheldon looked back and forth between Penny and Leonard. Then he rather awkwardly put his arms around his roommate. “Thank you,” he said solemnly, while Leonard’s eyes almost bugged out of his head with shock. Glancing over at Penny, Sheldon gazed at her with such adoration that Leonard shifted uncomfortably.  
“Uh… if you guys have somewhere you need to be…” he began.  
Penny took Sheldon’s hand again as she explained, “Actually, we’ve already decided that there’s nowhere else we’d rather be than here with you. You saved our marriage, after all. There’s plenty of time for us to be alone later.”  
“I’m going to go pack a bag. I’ll be staying over at Penny’s tonight,” Sheldon announced and headed toward the bedrooms.  
Leonard drew in a long breath and then let it out slowly. “I guess I’ll be losing a roommate.”  
“This is a two-bedroom apartment,” she teased, but then grinned to show she was kidding. “But I think it’s best that we have our own space. We’ll work something out, but one thing’s for sure: you’re Sheldon’s best friend, and nothing’s going to change that.”  
A few minutes later, Sheldon emerged from the back hallway with a black duffle bag in hand. His eyes sought out Penny’s. When she lifted her eyebrows at him, he nodded and then held up four fingers. She looked slightly disappointed, pursing her lips while she flashed a brief, exasperated glance at Leonard. Then she shrugged.  
Leonard looked back and forth between the two of them curiously. “Wow, you guys really have that couple’s nonverbal communication down cold.”   
“We had to. Have you seen him at those departmental mixers?” Penny said with a giggle.  
Sheldon frowned in mock annoyance, but then joined his wife on the couch. They sat side by side, but this time, Penny was sitting partially on Sheldon’s beloved 0,0,0,0 spot so she could cuddle close to him. He reached for her hand and twined his fingers with hers. “What are we watching?” he asked as Leonard put a DVD into the player.  
“Penny let me pick: _It’s a Wonderful Life_. It’s my favorite Christmas movie,” Leonard answered as he joined them on the couch.  
“I’d prefer to watch a Doctor Who Christmas special,” Sheldon grumbled.  
“We can watch it together tomorrow. _It’s a Wonderful Life_ is a classic about second chances and learning what’s really important in life. I think it’s perfect,” Penny said.  
Sheldon lifted their intertwined hands to brush a kiss across his wife’s hand. “Perfect,” he echoed, as he gazed into her eyes. It was more than perfect; it was a Saturnalia... no, it was a Christmas miracle.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I'm posting this to tie up loose ends & try to finish up some of my half-finished stories. Any Shenny fans still out there, give me a shout-out! And the haters? Well, they serve a purpose by upping the read/review count. :D Enjoy!


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